As the white noise begins to slow,
the gentle whispers of the
Universe are amplified.
She never forces, screams, and shouts.
It’s always up to us to find stillness and let her speak.
I spent many months in the darkness. A place I needed to be, to unravel the heartache and let the grief and sense of loss run its course. Not only the loss of life of one of our children, but the loss of our family as we knew it. The loss of my own son in some sense, as I retrained myself to accept our unusual circumstance of living apart so young.
I spent time conflicted with anger and resentment toward the one I adore the most whilst simultaneously having enormous compassion for his broken heart.
I spent time feeling overwhelmed with worry for our children and how to support them best in a dark and confusing time.
This time wasn’t wasted, negative or bad. This time was necessary. This time was the beginning of a process of healing and exploding beyond the container of my former self.
I’ve found forgiveness in its purest form. I’ve found the strength to make sacrifices to create balance and allow space to heal. I’ve found how strong and courageous I truly am. How strong and courageous we all are when we need to be.
I found my next calling.
The darkness has slowly softened. If I was plunged into a pit, then I feel that I’ve climbed my way back to the last rung of the ladder where the light feels more beautiful than ever after her absence from my vision.
I’ve been bathing in the gloriousness of love and light this past week. I may fall a few steps back down into my pit as I go through the final stages of letting my Sanctuary baby go, but I am ok with this. As this experience has reminded me of what it’s like to feel love soaring through my veins again. I know that I can climb out, I can move toward the light every time I fall. I’ve proven this time and time again. As have you… you’re still here, aren’t you?
The synchronicities and signs have been aweing. Now that I’m clear, I can feel the support of God.
Because my friends, love (God, Universe or whatever you like to call it) never leaves you. You sometimes cannot feel her from the heavy load you bear and focus you have on your circumstance.
But she’s there. Making each step possible until you can put your load down and breathe again.
And then in this moment you lean in and hear her voice that never ceased to support you. She’s whispering, ‘I only give you what you need my darling, I’m here, I’m with you as you find your magic. One step. Slowly. One step and then another’
We all feel dark at times. We all act in ways we’re not proud of and carry loads we feel are unfair.
We all suffer.
But, without this what would the light mean?
How would we grow?
How would we learn to surrender?
This last bout of heaviness has taught me to forgive and to accept what is. It’s reminded me to meet people where they are and never forget how strong I am. I had forgotten this over the years. Now I remember.
But more notably, it has reminded me how truly beautiful life is.
Perfection through pain and patience as we wade our way through the obstacles placed exactly where they need to be to keep us going in the right direction. The obstacles that are the most important elements of our lives.
Now that I’ve moved through many obstacles whilst blinded by darkness, I’ve paused in the glimmer of light revealed from my climb. A tough journey inspired by a deep sense of knowing that the light was always there, even when I could not see it.
I can now hear the whisper of love as I pause in stillness.
The synchronicities that are showing up for me have left me sobbing with gratitude. The voices of my angels have returned and my heart is wide open.
I write my first blog post in many many months today to remind you how remarkable you are. No matter what you face in your life you have an inner knowing that everything is as it should be.
That all you can do in your darker moments is surrender and flow. Trust that your obstacles are leading you toward a greater awareness, greet them with a softness and with an abundance of love. The light will shine again. One day so much so that you’ll be swimming in a sea of pure bliss.