The Earth, She Kissed Me...

Before starting my day, I stood on my back step, stretched my arms to heaven and pressed my feet into earth.

I breathed in the life that surrounded me and tuned into birds singing their morning praise and the roar of ocean rumbling up the sand dunes to meet my inviting ears.

I said to mother nature, “Let’s work together to heal you”. To which she responded, “No, let’s work together to heal you”.

A smile graced my face and I knew this was the order in which we need to proceed.

I then reflected on how this relationship and bond we share with mother earth is that in which we experience as mothers to our children.

We exhaust our earth, we take from her indulgently and rarely send her appreciation and love for her endless giving. We know she is always there supporting us, lovingly and compassionately even when we fail to take into consideration how our actions drastically impact her.

We find it hard to believe her love comes with no bounds or expectations. And no matter how tired and depleted she is, she will muster up all her strength to be there asking, “What do you need now my darling?”

A mother’s love is endless.

It only knows forgiveness.

And when in tune with her strength and power, she knows no bounds. Her ability to produce love from ether is remarkable.

But, when there is a pause in the chaos she rests. She goes inward to her heart and builds her strength ready to do it all again. She leans in with humility for support and asks her children to quieten so she can weather the storm once again.

I am reflecting both on what is going on globally and personally in this time.

Mother nature has sent us all to our rooms. She has asked for quiet, her children have taken and she has willingly given. She is regaining her strength and doing what is best for us. For when she is strong, we are strong. As a family. All her children thrive.

I retreated to my room yesterday. Exhausted. My pyjamas came off momentarily to drive children around and take solace on my beach walk. And then, I showered and climbed back into the comfort of my resting clothes. My hair was tangled and bewildered all day and my eyes were absent and dim.

My children have no way of understanding how much their pain and suffering is held in my heart. I will weather any storm for them, but on occasion, when beaten down and concerned for their actions… I will ask for quiet. Let me rest my love, my heart can hold us all, but it needs to replenish.

And the question remains;

Why do they inflict pain on themselves when I am here, with guidance and loving support?

I am calling out to them, “This way my baby, this way will lead to your light” and they shun my response and walk the other way, feeling their way through darkness and dismay. But I also know that through experience of darkness we perceive light more graciously. And no amount of words can show you this. It must be experienced. As mother, I must stand by and let them wonder.

My heart is heavy as I think on Flynn. His life so short. He started journeying through the darkness and forgot he could find the light once again. Arms were held out lovingly trying to guide him, but he remained there curled tightly and we never got him back.

Now we face the heavy burden this has placed on our remaining children. Spending four days in the psychiatric ward with one child. Who took actions he doesn’t want to face, hiding behind a mask of “I’m fine” and angry outbursts.

As a mother, like our earth, you are watching your children scrummaging around for their truth. Creating chaos and dis-ease as they uncover who they are not first.

And hold onto faith that they will eventually find who they are. Flynn found this on the other side. I pray the rest of my babies find it here, where I can watch on and smile as I lovingly let go, they have now got this themselves. I can finally rest and let them be.

Until that day, that I become a friend and loving support, I will continue to go within, take rest and ask, “What do you need now my darling?”

For my children xo