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Freedom vs. Abstinence

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Freedom vs. Abstinence

 

What is the point of life?

 

Is it to spend your time refraining from all the things that give you pleasure or have freedom, a feeling that you're not attached (addicted) and can choose what brings you joy in each moment?

 

It all comes down to a healthy mindset

(and in the fine print, your spiritual connection)

 

If you crave it, you're attached

 

If you need it, you're attached

 

If you can't control yourself and need to abstain completely, you have not given yourself freedom from the thing (sugar, alcohol, love...)

It means you have given your power to the attachment and have said, This is bigger than me. It can control me. So I cannot be trusted with it.

 

We've placed so much meaning on its value, that we forego many other things in life to keep it. Let me explain with an example...

 

I chose to remove excess sugars from my diet this year. I'm not abstaining.

I decided to eat one of the Easter eggs my parents gave me and gave the others away, I felt like a mini twirl on Mother's Day so I indulged. Banjo accidentally put sauce on my breakfast so I scraped off the excess and ate it anyway.

I have a healthy mindset around WHY I'm limiting sugars. I don't feel like I've fallen off a bandwagon on those few occasions because I'm not stuck on rigid rules for my life. I'm choosing in each moment what is healthy for me. And my friends, obsessions, and oppressions are NOT healthy.

If you go from having an unhealthy addiction to something and then decide to have an equally unhealthy addiction to avoiding it, you still have an unhealthy mindset, you've just flipped your focus.

 

I chose to rid the mid-morning chocolate and sauces I used on food because I wanted balanced hormones and energy levels. I have the freedom to choose what will help me live a healthy and fulfilling life. But my hormones won't go into disarray if, on the rare occasion, I feel like something sweet. I've only felt like chocolate twice in 3 months. And because I'm not having sugar regularly, I can't have very much because I'm not used to the sweetness of it anymore. That's what happens when you no longer feel addicted to something, you don't need an abundance of it to be satisfied.

 

It didn't open a can of worms for me, and now I want it all the time. Because I've made a healthy choice, with a healthy mind. I don't WANT to eat chocolate, I'm not forcing myself... I just don't want to because I WANT an easier time in perimenopause so it's easy for me to sit on the couch while my whole family devours the chocolates we keep in the media room. I happily sip on my tea and don't feel like I'm missing out. If I ever felt like joining them, I would allow myself. If I refrained I would be telling myself that this thing has a power over me I can't control. And that is not true.

 

But then there are areas of my life where I still have sticky fingers. I learned this term from Ram Das and it resonates deeply. When we feel attachment or reactivity in any area of our life it means we're clinging to it. Like its more important than it truly is. We do not have freedom in this area of our life.

 

Example... I have very sticky fingers when it comes to romantic love. I will endure so much pain and heartache to try and keep it in my life. I forego happiness to cling to it. Maybe I watched too many fairytales as a kid, who knows?

 

If I decided that I couldn't be trusted in love because of this attachment, and chose to be alone forever (abstinence), I'd be miserable. I want to live a life of connection and love.

 

What my true mission is, is to find the thing that helps me release this attachment. So I can healthily enjoy romance. Working on self-love seems important in this instance. If you love yourself and focus on your connection with whatever higher power you are aligned to, then feeling the love from a romantic partner seems less important. Then maybe you'll choose a healthy partner, not cling to someone who doesn't express love the way you need... I'm still workshopping this one.

 

But the point is, we all have sticky fingers in some areas of our lives. If you feel desperation, a clinging, then you are in an unhealthy attachment and your mission isn't to abstain, it is to free yourself from the false belief that things are more important than what they truly are.

 

If you are addicted to coffee and cake during the morning break, find something bigger than this indulgence to move towards (having consistent energy throughout the day, having a healthy heart, better sleep, longer lifespan, etc) this new focus will relax your need and you won't want it like you used to. That's what we aim for, a lessening of the desire...

 

Freedom from the addiction

 

This works in all areas of our lives, obsessing over kids' safety, relationships, career, food, alcohol, exercise, and a need to feel significant.... it applies everywhere you feel stuck. Everywhere you react or cling, notice your response, become aware of your unhealthy attachment to a need, and then find ways to move your focus to something more healthy for your life.

 

 

My Awakening Sessions are good for looking at your attachments. Book in here if you want this intuitive and practical guidance. 

 

Big love,

Melinda x

 

 

 

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