Is that you?
Fear is not saved for the times in life we literally have concern for our safety.
It is a feeling that buzzes around our bodies from thought provoked beliefs we hold;
The overachiever labels it stress, the worrying mother calls it anxiety and the traumatised will say they are depressed.
These descriptive words we use to pin point our emotional state are all derivatives of the same thing;
I have had my fair share of fear…
A FEAR OF FEAR ITSELF
One of the biggest aha moments through my first bout of depression was learning about my fear of fear itself. And the lack of fear is the most distinguished difference this second bout I recently experienced.
Five years ago I was terrified. I spent my days worried I wouldn’t succeed, worried I would run out of money and worried I wasn’t good enough to make my dreams come true. I was terrified of failure. I was worried I made the wrong decision for my family and scared my husband would leave me when I couldn’t get my shit together.
I was also scared of fear itself. The fearful feeling knocked me to my knees many times.
I look back at how toxic my thought patterns were and wonder how the heck I managed to live with such a hopeless, self sabotaging outlook on my life.
Going through this phase was one of the biggest blessings of my life. Before then I had never challenged myself to the extent I had to second guess myself, my goals and ambitions had been more manageable and ‘safe’. I was really pushing my comfort zone opening up a Wellness centre and becoming a step mum.
I had to face fear head on.
It showed up for me as stress and overwhelm and then eventually depression… for you, your fear may come wrapped in anxiety or freezing (where you are too scared to make your next move). We all experience it differently, and you may change how you feel fear given the circumstance you’re in.
I was terrified that my fear of fear would ruin my life. I was so scared that I wouldn’t get it under control that I made myself more fearful and worried by focusing on it.
FEAR WAS MY MASTER AND NOW IT IS MY MIGNIOGN
And then I realised what I was doing to myself. I was giving fear fuel by focusing on it so much. All of my energy was going into avoiding ‘that feeling’. Everything was driven by fear. I was jogging out of fear of being fat. I was meditating out of fear of losing connection with my spirit, I was running my business out fear, I was scared of failing… it was fuelling all of my actions.
When all I needed to do, was surrender to LOVE.
As soon as I realised this, my 18 month battle with depression ended. Instantly. I wrote three chapters of my book Diggin Your Dark Side that night.
I saw the world through a new lense. Everything felt bright and rosy once again.
I started to jog just so I could be out in nature, I meditated with tears of joy rolling down my cheeks and I no longer felt ‘pressured and stressed’ about my business being successful, I had complete faith it would be, I had a knowing that everything will be alright, no matter what way the tide turns.
It was the most magical transformation.
And since then, fear has never gotten any further than a momentary thought. I come back to LOVE and have complete faith everything is going to be ok.
When my second bout of depression hit, I was shocked that my remedy for this debilitating condition was not impenetrable but it didn’t take me down as hard. When my family was not ok and my adrenals depleted, it was open slather for the depressed state to strike once again. But this time I was not scared of it. I let it take me down, keep me in my bed and flood my eyes with tears.
I did this knowing, this too shall pass.
I can do this.
Staying focused on love even though I couldn’t feel it. I knew deep down.. it was there, I just needed to ride the wave.
There were days I wanted to give up on life… but I would remind myself, I have done it before, I can do it again.
Letting go of FEAR is the most freeing choice I have experienced.
I still need to work on patience, sookiness and intolerance for selfishness, maybe I will experience that same sense of freedom when I learn these lessons, but for now, not being fearful has completely changed how I respond to challenges, drama and my own self doubt when it creeps in.
WHERE ATTENTION GOES, ENERGY FLOWS
Fear is not who we are at our core. It is something we unintentionally attach to when we try to control our circumstances. Fear is what drives us to worry, stress and panic. These emotions do not help us be our best selves. They are limiting beliefs that restrict our true potential. When we learn to let go of fear and tap into our loving, courageous and faithful selves, we lift the lid of possibilities in our lives and tell the world who we are. Once we are in this state, magic happens.
As Tony Robbins says “Where attention goes, energy flows.” Place your attention on the areas of your life that you are thriving in and this will boost your vitality. Then you have capacity to improve the areas that need a little love. Always focus on what you are doing right my friends, this will keep you on your path. Fear is just a state of mind, you can choose love. <3
Big love to you,