She Whispered Gently,
So sweetly to me,
"When you are silent, I am near".
The Universe speaks lovingly to us
But our mind chatters confusingly.
All we need is space, and clarity appears.
I shared in my Yoga class on Saturday afternoon a beautiful experience I had earlier that day. I woke with a deep sadness, one that had me spend half the day cradling my heart as it wept with grief.
In less than three weeks my baby Braith is eighteen. My heart was clinging to "what should be" happening in the build up to such a momentous occasion in my child's life.
My baby boy should be becoming a man. What would he have looked like? Would he be happy? Would we be close?
I would be preparing a speech to share my pride of who he is and organising a party to celebrate a new chapter of his life.
I couldn't stop sobbing as my heart literally ached in longing.
After an hour of solitude, I decided I needed to make an appearance in my home and shuffled out heavily to make myself a cup of tea and share a smile and warm embrace with my children. My family had been moving around the home all morning; Hugo getting ready for his soccer game, Glen making breakfast, Banjo in and out with his basketball and Marli was with her friend.
I was the last to enter the family room and the only one to notice a black feather in the centre of the room. I bent over and picked it up as Glen looked on surprised.
As I share in my book, Diggin' Your Dark Side, Braith speaks to me with feathers. I find them in bizarre places and always timely with needing a sense of connection to my boy.
Finding my feather had me smile momentarily before another gush of tears fell from my eyes that had erupted from my heart.
Glen wrapped his arms around me, as always when I need it, there was another feather from my baby... too often to be a coincidence.
I made my tea and left it to infuse as I went into the laundry room to fold our bed sheets I had lazily thrown on the lounge after they dried the night before.
I picked up our first sheet and beneath it was an enormous purple and ridiculous feather. I laughed. My boy was telling me to lighten up. This was not a dainty pretty little thing, it looked like it came off a Dame Edna costume. It softened my intense sadness immediately and placed a silly grin on my face.
I investigated where this bizarre feather came from, none of the kids or Glen had a clue. No one recalled a fancy dress costume that it could've fallen off or having seen it before.
It was a reminder that there is a constant connection that is undeniable once you have surrendered to experience it between you and an essence far greater. I call it the Universe or God.
I had spent the week leading up to this heavily in my thoughts and emotionally bound to an issue I was experiencing.
I was feeling confused about my purpose and direction. I had feelings of failure haunting me and lacked clarity.
Braith not only helped me lighten the heaviness of my grief, that anyone who has lost a child knows, lasts a lifetime, he also reminded me to be still.
To tune into the whispers of the Universe and transfer my awareness away from my bantering mind that was leading me down a path of disarray.
From this moment I have received divine intervention. I drew the higher education card from my angel deck which led me to create a plan to revisit courses I have taken in business, writing and marketing this week.
Although I am half way through a publicity course my heart was telling me to revisit B School. So I logged in and went into a bonus introductory course I didn't do when I first registered as it was about 'How to decide what business you want to have' I already have my business so it felt irrelevant at the time but a niggling voice was telling me to review the content.
This led me to a series of questions that affirmed what I want to do with my life. What I believe I have to offer this world.
Although the Sanctuary is my absolute baby and I nurture it whole heartedly, writing is what pulls my heart strings. And going over this content helped me create clarity after a week of muddled thoughts. I want to write.
I read through the content and arrived at the bottom of the screen where there was a link to an interview with New York Times Best Seller, Cheryl Strayed titled 'How to become a writer'.
Too crazy to be a coincidence... all these little bread crumbs leading me toward something far greater than a dream.
It's a knowing.
I've just finished listening to her brilliantness, it was the best start to my week. To immerse myself in the articulation and wisdom of a beautiful writer and powerful woman.
All because I decided to be still enough to hear the gentle guidance of God.
Is this blog about loss, grief, signs from the Universe or finding your purpose?? It is whatever you need it to be. She speaks to you uniquely, what is she telling you?
Guidance is yours my loves, be still, listen and follow with faith.