When we talk heartache, it brings a heaviness instantly to those who are conscious of stories and trauma held in their heart space. For others, who are oblivious to the stories that play out in our life daily, do not think it applies to them.
I was in the latter category until depression struck.
I thought I was killing it. Turning all of my heartaches into positive actions. But the truth was, I was hiding from my pain. I was keeping myself busy to avoid feeling the intensity of loss and fear from abuse. I was addicted to my label of a “Positive person” that I kept my facade going until my body and soul said no more. I was knocked to my knees from suicidal thoughts and had to go into the pits of my pain body to drag out the old stories I was unintentionally living my life by and allow the pain to be felt and leave me once and for all.
My book Diggin’ Your Dark Side shares the tools I used through depression and my Heal Your Heart workshop is a practical course to help you put these tools in place with guidance and care.
If you need help pronto, here are a few tools that can be useful until you feel ready to dig deeper with me.
Practice Proper Breathing Control
One of the simplest ways to become aware is practicing proper breathing control. Proper breathing control keeps your heart calm, instead of going overdrive and pumping like crazy, whenever you’re stressed or anxious. Yogic pranayama exercises will help you learn deep calming breaths that are meant to calm those jittery nerves, and leave a positive impact for those who have depression.
If you are new to breath work try downloading an app such as Headspace or Insight timer to get started or attend yoga and meditation classes.
Be Mindful of Your Thoughts
One of your worst enemies for both mind and heart is incessant, unchecked thought. Our minds are always full of thoughts, and no matter how much you try to prevent those thoughts from flowing, your brain won’t allow you to do that. Our brains function is to think, so it’s only normal for it have thoughts constantly spinning in between the cogs. The best way to heal your heart is to be mindful with your thoughts, and as much as possible, only cultivate the ones that are beneficial for your well-being.
How??? Try giving your very productive mind a job. Ask it to observe your breath or to watch the flower sway in the breeze. Giving your mind simple tasks to do allows it to focus on the present moment which quietens down the banter in the background.
You Control Your Emotions, not the other Way Around
Heard of the person who had a heart attack after hearing great news? Or people dying from what is called Broken Heart Syndrome? Emotion is just energy in motion, but when we let them rule us, it can literally kill us.
Whenever you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, it’s important to make space for yourself. Check your body: are your shoulders feeling tense? Is your breathing getting shallow? Is your heart pumping like crazy? Remind yourself that you are in control of your emotions, not the other way around, and then go back to using breathing practices to calm down.
Practise the Serene Mind Practise when you feel emotion taking control. This short 3 minute practise will bring you back to calm.
Validate Yourself
As we are social creatures, we often look for validation from other people. However, constantly looking for others to ratify ourselves is not only unhealthy, but also a bad practice. Understand that everything you need is already inside of you. Heal your heart by giving yourself the love you deserve and need.
Remember, it is called SELF esteem, not others esteem.
Keep in mind that healing your heart may take time and consistency. Healing your heart requires you to be in the moment, to be patient, to be persistent, and to never give up on yourself. Your physical heart is a very important part of your body, it pumps out blood to deliver oxygen and nutrients to your cells. But your emotional heart space, is essential for living a life of love and compassion… for yourself and for others. Keeping it whole is how you live a beautiful life.
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