I am currently sat overlooking the tranquil waters of Noosa, holidaying and getting away from the hustle. With the fresh clarity escapism provides I have pondered over life as it is…
Last year was challenging and I had hoped the new year would of brought with it more peace but this year has been tougher for me on a personal level, I am grateful for the challenges as it shows me what I have yet to learn (and accept)... that patience and commitment are key to any growth but F-me it has wiped my energy at times and I have wondered if I am up for it all. But that's what leaning over the edge does right? Shows you what you're really capable of.... and how far you have to stretch to get it.
My mission has always been to help people.
I LOVE helping people find their magic, nothing gets me off more. But when it is your child and husband, so close to home... it has been confronting to say the least. It is harder to help those you are closest too. They see you as a mother or wife or whoever you are to them, not their teacher. So there is a natural wall of resistance. Glen respects and appreciates my insights but he also learns better from others as I speak with emotion because I am so attached to him.
And my lesson has been to accept. I have been so busy trying to "teach" Glen to accept Oska is on his own journey and not to react to him from anger, that I wasn't accepting that it is also Glen’s journey to learn that in his own time. We can't force another person’s growth rate. And patience is something I have been trying to master... so it makes sense the universe gave me this opportunity to practise it. I am learning in this scenario too, otherwise I wouldn't be reacting to it.
I have been letting myself feel "torn" between my son and my husband.
I have been defending Oska to Glen and explaining Glen’s reactions to Oska. Constantly feeling like I am the "Switzerland" of my home. And then trying to protect the younger children and check that they are ok with all the arguing that has been happening in our home this year. I have felt my heart literally ache. I have been crying intensely when alone, feeling lost. Not sure what to do to help my unruly teenager and not sure how I can find peace with the people around me harbouring such negativity.
My meditations have been subpar and I have struggled to free myself from the deep sadness I have felt from losing peace in my home.
I have been at breaking point. But breaking point isn't you breaking. It is you breaking free of your old beliefs, limitations and understanding. It hurts like hell but the breakTHROUGH pushes you to look over the edge of comfortable. Leaning into the unknown, testing your faith and discovering the depths to this earthly experience we call life.
I have been reading Joe Dispenza's, Becoming Supernatural. So synchronistic to me doing my Kundalini teacher training this year as he explains the neuroscience behind Kundalini.
I had no idea that was the basis of the science in the book and meditations when I got it and that part only uncovered itself as I was listening to it driving home from week one of my teacher training.
How cool is the universe 🙂
Last night, well, at 2am this morning, I tried his life altering meditation.
Yup, I had to set an alarm for 2am to do a 2.5-hour meditation... Glen thought I was nuts! He has got his head around me getting up at 4am to chant and carry on like a pork chop but this schedule seemed a little radical 🙂
I thought it was a great time to do it, being on holiday and being able to go back to bed when it was done and catch up on Zzzz's
The reason I Iove Joe is because he uncovers the science of the ancient knowledge and wisdom of the yogi's and mystics.
He is good for my analytical / naturopathic brain... I am not easy to persuade or convince. But when he explained in explicit detail about our melatonin levels being at their highest between 2-5am, which I knew to be true from naturopathy, I was all ears to what could potentially happen when meditating at this time.
Melatonin is secreted from the pineal gland, so it makes sense that if melatonin is at its highest in that period, that the pineal gland is most active at that time, right?? The pineal gland has been known for centuries to all yogis and mystics to be where our connection to our higher Self / Brahma / God resides. It is the mother gland of the third eye. Science knows it is a part of the endocrine system and releases hormones such as melatonin but there has always been a lot of mystery around what else it does.
We also know that the fluoride in our tap water calcifies the pineal gland making it less active (aligned with the anxiety, lack of purpose, confusion and depression epidemic).
So we are quite disconnected to its powers.
The meditation is a long one, but I was so excited to try it. Quite a few steps to go through but it was next level what I experienced. Hard to explain in a blog all the crazy bits (as it might sound loopy!! Even for me!) but let’s just say it was an outer body experience... and I don't mean those normal out of body experiences we have as meditators, where we connect to light and energy (which is beautiful) and can separate from our worldly woes and gain clarity. It was completely different to this.
It was next level.
I felt like I had taken 12 e's (yes, I used to do silly things when I was younger). It was such an awe provoking experience that Glen wants to get up with me tonight to do it too 🙂 After I came to bed raving about what had just happened, he is all set to get up to try.
The experience showed me beyond our universe.
Today, for the first time in a long while I feel accepting of my challenges. I have a lightness that I have missed whilst carrying the worries for my family. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Even though this isn’t the easiest part of my life, it is exactly what I need to experience to be whole.
I surrender to the divine knowledge of my highest self.
I really want to encourage anyone who is slightly interested in more to do it. At least once. I am happy to share my notes on the process and help you get your head around it if you're keen.